She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
