So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
