last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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