Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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