I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
