eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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