I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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