Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
