Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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