The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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