see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
