i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
