this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
