butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
