I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We need to rekindle our bromance
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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