these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
