yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
