I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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