you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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