I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
