Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
