I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
