he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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