last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
