Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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