it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
