Sponge bath it is.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
