So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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