I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
