I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
