I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
