You can't special order awesome
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
True strength comes from lack of pants
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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