I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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