Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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