she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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