Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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