I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
