How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wish there were birth control emojis
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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