Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
