I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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