Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
