hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
