its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
