eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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