yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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