I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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