She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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