my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
