Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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