i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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