There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
