A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I need moral support for this bender
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
