____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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