That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
