I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
