Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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