Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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