I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
